A few weeks ago for her birthday I got my oldest daughter a hand-fed, peach-faced, love bird. She was BEAUTIFUL!
I really wasn't convinced my daughter would like having a bird around. I thought it might be like all the other animals we had tried in the past (guinea pigs, rabbits, dogs, cats, fish, even our horses!) and it would be a cool novelty for the first few days then the reality of taking care of it would set in and she would be kinda ignoring the bird, etc. I was fully prepared to have to take over the care and keeping of the bird myself.
From the day she arrived and ended up being named Kuruka (Swahili for fly), the bird and Rebekah were best friends. If Rebekah was home, the bird was on her shoulder or with her in some way. They bonded in a way I had never seen.
Yes, you can see what is to come. The child who always left the bird with me when she went in the laundry room with the dogs, one time forgot, then played with the dog, knocking the bird off her shoulder, dog thought bird was toy, grabbed bird. Bird died. Pain hit! HARD! Both for my daughter and I.
For starters we had both bonded with the bird. Second, I hurt because I got my daughter something, in the best of intentions, to bring her joy. Instead it brought her heartache and pain. I felt like I had failed as a Mom in not shielding her and protecting her from that pain. I feel guilty for not reminding her to keep the bird and the dog apart. I felt guilty for not knowing how to keep the bird from dying in my hands a few minutes later.
We are still working through the pain in this house, but I am also seeing the lessons. When tough times hit in life, you can close your eyes and plow ahead and chose to never remember them again, you can choose to wallow in them, constantly returning and getting sucked back into that pain and not letting go of it, or you can choose to learn the lessons that every trail can teach. Rebekah is learning that in the future she will be a lot more careful with her actions. She learned that she LOVED having a bird and she wants another one (which is ordered and will be hatching in the next couple of weeks and arriving here in another 9 weeks or after that). I am learning that as much as I wanted to shield my child from such pain, I can't, but I can help her through it. I can help her learn not to let the pain ruin her life. I can encourage her that even though it hurts, the love is worth it (being widowed, I can identify with that in the scary step of loving again and remarrying!) and that life is for living, not trying to hide from the pain the way Kuruka hid under Rebekah's pony tail!
And though it is hard and painful and we can't see ever loving another bird quite like we did Kuruka, we are learning to stretch our wings, cock our heads, perch on a high spot and examine our world with the wonder and awe of a young bird. Sometimes the perch isn't the safest or the most comfortable, but it is still worth trying! So we are going to get another bird, open our hearts to love, let others in and stop trying to wrap up in bubble wrap for protection!
Have you experienced pain in your life? Has your instinct been to wallow in it, hide from it, plow through it? How did that one work for you?
God didn't call us to protect ourselves from all hurt and pain. He called us to open ourselves to His love and sharing it. It may not be comfortable but that is what we are going to do!
So as we look at pictures and remember, we will also look forward with hope that we will have another amazing bird in the future and until then, we are going to choose to wallow in God's love to comfort the pain. Who wants to wallow with us?