Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Frustration and Discouragement

As I sit here trying to decide what is top priority on my mind, my son is running through the house laughing....the dogs are following him and they are all just happy. Since my day started with a bad dream followed by the kids pushing on getting ready for school and the neighbor calling and telling me that for the third time in a week my horse was in her yard, the cheerful laughing is making my spirits lift!

I am struggling to know what to do with the horses. Rebekah is not paying the attention I think she should to her horse, but the horse is such a sweetheart that I hesitate to get rid of her. I remember spending hours with my horse when I was young. My horse was my best friend and confidant. I want that for Rebekah but I don't want to FORCE that on her!

I sit and I wonder what to do with each day and I feel so disorganized and without purpose. I know that there are many things to be done but I get discouraged when no one seems to recognize that I am doing them and everyone seems to relish undoing my organizing or cleaning! I am struggling with my roles right now as a Mom, housekeeper, bookkeeper and friend.

I am frustrated with feeling like I bend over backwards to teach my children basic life skills as well as basic manners and work ethic and I wonder if they will ever learn. I am sure that my mom also wondered that about me so I have hope that one day what I am teaching will matter. I do struggle with understanding how the world has allowed children to become such lazy and demanding beasts! I know that one of the biggest problems with my children is the fact that their friends often have few or no chores and my children are comparing themselves to others. I find it interesting that other parents don't encourage their children to work in their home. How do they keep up? I know that I struggle with just maintaining MY areas of the home. I can't keep up with the messes that 6 people and 2 dogs can make! I have been trying, though I admit, not my hardest. I get discouraged and feel like giving up! I also get VERY discouraged when my mom or sister makes some comment about my house and then you go (especially to my sister's house) and their place is not only just as bad, but often worse! Feels like they are judging me. It has also come to my attention that my sister has been badmouthing my house and housekeeping in front of my children and hers. Telling her children they shouldn't want to come here because MY house is dirty...yet SHE is the one who has to set flea bombs 3 or 4 times a year and she is the one who hasn't seen her kitchen counters in all the time I can remember. Mine get filled and cleaned and filled and cleaned. It just makes it hard to hear that she is badmouthing my house to her children and my children. It also makes it harder for my children to give me the respect I deserve. I have not figured out how to parent them through this learning process at all!

Well, I just talked to my husband and he thinks it is time to put both bigger horses up for sale. Heart wrenching but we just can't afford to keep them and NOT have them being used and loved on. I have to admit that I don't want to be rich, but I would love to be comfortable and not have to make decisions based so much on finances! I want to be able to make my choices on what our family will benefit from and what we love, not what we can afford!

Well, even more down and discouraged now. Time to get back to work!

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