Monday, September 19, 2011

So as I sit here, enjoying the quiet and relishing the fact that through facebook I met someone online who told me about Spotify and I am certainly enjoying music more than I have in a long time, I am still wondering what do I need to do next? I am tired and discouraged with parenting and with housekeeping.

I spent a LOT of time on Friday cleaning. I worked on the entire kitchen and dining room, counters, floors on my hands and knees, etc. And the kids didn't even notice, then they went and made messes and when I asked for them to return the rooms to the state they were in when they found them, they couldn't see the problems! Then I spend significant time on Saturday cleaning in the basement to get ready for the garage sale and the kids wonder where I am! Then I start on the living room and foyer on Sunday after church because we were having a birthday party for Rebekah on Sunday evening. They couldn't figure out why I was cleaning so much! And they just did a lot of watching! 

I am also discouraged with Bethany and her schooling! I don't know how to help her fuction at the level that I KNOW she is capable of! She has to want to and I am at a loss as to how to motivate her!

My best friend has been around hit or miss lately due to family issues on her end. Her oldest child broke his leg pretty badly, had surgery and now has a MRSA infection and is back in the hospital. As she has been gone I have realized that I just really don't have other friends and that has led to discouragement! When she isn't available when I need to talk, there really isn't anyone else to call! I have always struggled with a feeling that I lack friendships and it leads me to belive there is something lacking in me. Sometimes I wonder if I have Asperger's like Bethany!

Jessica has been having great days at school and struggling at home and I have tried to give her the attention she needs but my attention has been so divided lately between the cleaning and garage sale, Bethany and her school and homework, Rebekah and her birthday and her 13 year old attitude and James being almost 2 and into EVERYTHING and really demanding of my time! I suspect he is teething, fighting allergies and trying to get sick all at once!

In the middle of all of that Cory is not helping much in the house as he is trying to accomplish fall stuff for outside and that seems like it is frustrating to him!

I have tried and tried to figure out how to help my kids and it is so irritating when they don't show any indication of that!

Finances are a constant worry and struggle also and with surgery coming up for James and such I know it isn't going to improve. There are times when I really feel like I should go and get a job but I just struggle with justifying leaving James at a sitter! I really want to be here for him like I was for the girls! As a result I have been taking more and more amish runs and that gets very tiring after awhile!

Well, I never have decided how to end these posts and have no clue who would bother to read them anyway, but I am going to stop typing because my chair is the wrong height and my wrists are hurting!

Have a wonderful day!


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