Saturday, October 15, 2011
Struggling right now. Feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and wondering where God is. I KNOW He is here, walking with me, carrying me but it often doesn't feel like it! I HATE that my stresses in life are caused by money, I hate that I am unorganzied and uncapable of getting things in control, in my house and my finances. I hate that I start to clean and I make progress and I take a day off and BAM, there is the mess again, back to worse than it was! I hate that finances keep me from making the impact I want to make on teens in this area. I hate that finances keep me from doing the things that would help my family connect better. I hate that I can look ahead and see no way to buy Christmas gifts for my kids, let alone others! I hate this overwhelmed and dark feeling! For once I fall asleep at night right away, exhausted, but I wake early in the morning with my mind racing and I can't fall back asleep. My stomach hurts, churns, etc. I am surrounded by darkness and it is depressing.